Bad Advice from the English

Little Known Fact #28614:
"Keeping your chin up" just makes it easier for someone to punch you in the face.

I have the power (failure)

Just once, why can't a power failure end at 12 midnight? (i.e. so we wouldn't have to change the time on the microwave)

Death by Cola

Coca Colon: deterioration of the lining of the colon, caused by drinking too many acidic soft drinks

Ring my Bell

Quasimodo wasn't sure why he kept rolling out of bed... but he had a hunch.