Overheard Over Brunch

overheard over brunch at the Drake Hotel lounge...
patrons: (discussing Toronto music scene)
waiter: "Hi, I'm Jeff [Somethingorother]... I have an album on iTunes!"
patron: "Hi, Jeff... can you bring us some coffee?"

classic conquotination, vol. 3

Another classic from Terry the other day: "whatever rocks your boat"... which I suppose is a mix of "whatever floats your boat" and "don't rock the boat"?
Since the 2 original phrases have almost opposite meanings, I'm not sure what the new phrase is supposed to mean. Any ideas?

Brogrammer At Work

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

what is a brogrammer

download PDF

Fish aint Food, vol. 1

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and there's more steak for the rest of us.

Where not to go in T.O.

Seen in a sketchy corner of town: "Schaffer's Rib Joint & Massage Parlour - Home of the Dry Rub & Tug"

Ask Dr. Sports, Vol. 33

Q: What is the NBA Draft?
A: That's when a bunch of teams you don't remember argue over a bunch of people you never heard of and then trade them for reasons you don't understand.

Popular Taglines Continued, Vol. 1

Everyone loves Marineland... (except for fish of course - to them, its just a prison)

English-Quebecois Dictionary, vol. 1

"JE ME SOUVIENS" = bad driver on board

Boys vs. Girls: Arithmetic

overheard at a restaurant...
boy: "I think I should drive tonight, you had too much to drink."
girl: "No... I should drive... you drank more than me!"
boy: "I had 1 drink."
girl: "I also had 1 drink."
boy: "My cooler was only 7% alcohol. Your wine was 14% alcohol."
girl: "No... the whole bottle is 14%. I just had 1 glass."
(pause)
boy: "I am definitely driving."

How to Open Milk

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

Please Keep Fridge Door Closed

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

Tim Horton's Recipes Revealed, vol. 1

little-known fact: the new Tim Horton's "smores" donut is just a double-chocolate donut that fell on the floor.

Tips for Job Hunters, vol. 12

Looking for job opportunities at Research in Motion? Just update your facebook/linkedin status to "looking for a good rim job"

Poetica, vol. 1

 

Could not write haikus

Was always too difficult

Need one more word

 

Presso vs. Aeropress vs. French Press vs. Real Espresso Machine

This is a comparative review of the Presso and Aeropress manual gourmet coffee presses. French Press and Commercial Grade (Real) Espresso Machine are added as reference points.

NOTE: this assumes you have access to properly-ground, freshly roasted, good quality coffee beans. If not, replace all results with "shitty".

	Presso	Aeropress	French Press	Commercial Grade Espresso Machine
Price (approx.)	$$$	$$	$	$$$$
Complexity of use	easy	complex	medium	medium
Americano-style coffee: flavour	great	great	great	great
Espresso-style coffee: flavour	good	not bad	(do not use)	great
Espresso-style coffee: crema	some	none	none	great
Lattes	who cares	who cares	who cares	who cares
When not in use, it...	looks cool	tucks away	looks cool	wastes space
Cleaning it is	very easy	easy	almost easy	easy
Coolness type	industrial-cool	geek-cool	euro-cool	bling-cool
Other cons	you need to preheat it	disposable paper filters required	unique taste	it will break down and/or require maintenance eventually

Osama Bin Hiding

Since they claim to have conducted DNA testing to verify the identity of the corpse they shot up, that means the US has had Osama's DNA for a while. So my question is: Why have they wasted several years searching for the 'real' Osama when they could have just cloned another one and just shot that one?

Marketing Mantras Demystified, Vol. 1

Being one step ahead of the competition is pointless when you're both running in circles.

Ingordnito

Little known facts #429: No one ever keeps the name Gordon. Examples:
Gordon Sumner: "Sting"
Gordon Sims: "Venus Flytrap"
Gordon Shumway: "Alf"
Steven Gordon: "Flash Gordon"

The Title Sells It, vol. 4

Idea for a TLC reality show about a Chinese-American couple: we follow them as he tries to convince her to be his wife... it's called "Will Yu, Mary Mi"

Hollywood Doesn't Want You to Know, vol. 12

Little known fact: TRUE GRIT is a remake of the Wizard of Oz, except the scarecrow is cogburn, the tin man is a texas ranger, and the wizard is the dude who shot dorothy's pappy. also, toto is now a pony for some reason.