Food Revelations, vol. 36

today's food revelation: hey... "raisins" are just Grape Jerky!

remember:

Grapes are just great,
Wine is just fine,
Jam is amazin'
But there's no excuse for a raisin!

How to Get a Free Dog

I have no idea why anyone would want a dog. That said, here's how you can get one, for free.

How to get a Free Dog, in 3 easy steps

1. Put up posters in your neighborhood:
LOST DOG
CASH REWARD
IF FOUND, PLEASE CALL (your phone number)

2. In a few days you will get a call from someone who will describe a dog they found. If it sounds good, say "That's him alright!" If not, say, "Nope, keep looking!"

3. When you've found the dog you like and had it delivered, the finder might ask about the "Cash Reward." If so, just say "That was also lost. Wasn't it with the dog?"

Ode to a '98 Civic

to the tune of American Pie by Don McLean...

Bye, Bye, Ninety-Eight Civic Guy
Drove in panic to mechanic 'cuz the oilpan's dry
Them good old boys topped it up as I cried
Sayin 'This'll be the day your car dies,
this'll be the day your car dies...'