fun with greetings

get a guaranteed double-take:
replace the phrase "knock yourself out" with "knock yourself up"

I am the friarstarter

Canadians should start referring to American Thanksgiving as "the Yankee Thank-ee"

little known definitions, vol. 2

niagra - erectile dysfunction pill (for long-lasting, farther urine stream)

Amphibbin' Vol. 26

Is it OK to cook an alligator in a crock pot?

tips for wedding bliss

tip #13:

Make sure to sign a pre-nup, a nup, AND a post-nup.

A.W.E. (1st installment)

Absolute Worst Ever... S&M Safety Words
1. harder
2. monsoon
3. auger
4. lower
5. serum

snappy answers to classic sayings, vol. 12

"Why beat a dead horse?"

"because I want GLUE, dammit!"

Fun with Midgets, Vol. 1

Midgets as messengers:
With every delivery, they must say "sorry for the short notice."

Lessons from the Marriage Guru, vol. 1

Young Acolyte:
"Master, what are your thoughts on marriage?"

Marriage Guru:
"My son,
If you can find a woman on this earth
who loves you
and is your equal
and makes you better
and enriches your life
and is your soul mate
Then with all the power in your heart
Take her and love her and shower her with respect and admiration forever
...but do NOT tell your wife about her."

Which came first: breakfast or lunch?

Well-known fact #1:

The reason we eat eggs for breakfast and chicken for lunch is that if you ate the chicken for breakfast, how would you get the eggs for lunch?

That's one for the boc's.

Who invented cool?

Little Known Fact #26133:

Shade was invented by trees.

Upcoming Comeuppance

Doctor G's Pre-Wedding Advice for Doomed Grooms


1) where there's hope, elope

2) prenup? giddy-up!

3) keep your vows quantifiable & measurable