dreamline, vol. 9

I have this recurring dream where I'm at a karaoke bar, and Borat is there performing, but he just keeps singing "Throw the Giulio down the well, so my country can be free..."
What could it mean?

optimist/pessimist vol. 12

Said the optimist to the pessimist:
"If we turn back now, we're halfway there"

fun with greetings

get a guaranteed double-take:
replace the phrase "knock yourself out" with "knock yourself up"

I am the friarstarter

Canadians should start referring to American Thanksgiving as "the Yankee Thank-ee"

little known definitions, vol. 2

niagra - erectile dysfunction pill (for long-lasting, farther urine stream)

Amphibbin' Vol. 26

Is it OK to cook an alligator in a crock pot?

tips for wedding bliss

tip #13:

Make sure to sign a pre-nup, a nup, AND a post-nup.

A.W.E. (1st installment)

Absolute Worst Ever... S&M Safety Words
1. harder
2. monsoon
3. auger
4. lower
5. serum

snappy answers to classic sayings, vol. 12

"Why beat a dead horse?"

"because I want GLUE, dammit!"

Fun with Midgets, Vol. 1

Midgets as messengers:
With every delivery, they must say "sorry for the short notice."

Lessons from the Marriage Guru, vol. 1

Young Acolyte:
"Master, what are your thoughts on marriage?"

Marriage Guru:
"My son,
If you can find a woman on this earth
who loves you
and is your equal
and makes you better
and enriches your life
and is your soul mate
Then with all the power in your heart
Take her and love her and shower her with respect and admiration forever
...but do NOT tell your wife about her."

Which came first: breakfast or lunch?

Well-known fact #1:

The reason we eat eggs for breakfast and chicken for lunch is that if you ate the chicken for breakfast, how would you get the eggs for lunch?

That's one for the boc's.

Who invented cool?

Little Known Fact #26133:

Shade was invented by trees.

Upcoming Comeuppance

Doctor G's Pre-Wedding Advice for Doomed Grooms


1) where there's hope, elope

2) prenup? giddy-up!

3) keep your vows quantifiable & measurable

optimism, vol. 111: fun with fractions

If you can *ALMOST* convince ONE GIRL to have sex with you,
you're already HALFWAY to a THREEWAY!

(props to Jimmy O'Rourke, of course.)

Ratlantic Tails

Little Known Fact #9192:
There is no public trash collection in the Canadian Maritime provinces!
Instead of dragging their trash to the curb, they let in pile up in their garage.
Then, when their garage is full, they just put up a sign that says "Antiques".

sludge factory

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS #429:
McDonalds was forced to change the name of their Shamrock Shake because it contained no real Shamrocks. To solve the problem, they purchased Mike Myers, created a series of movies named after the sound made by the shake dispenser, then non-chalantly introduced the renamed "Swampwater Sludge McFlurry" beverage in time to promote the third movie instalment. When asked by reporters: "What if they ask you to rename it again because it's not really swampwater sludge?", Ronald winked and replied "trust me, not a problem."

Gedi Mind Tricks vol. 1

ok, think of something.
NOW I WILL READ YOUR MIND!...
you're thinking...

"There's NO WAY he knows what I'm thinking"

EXCELSIOR!

why scottish people don't like motorcycles

Doctor's Almanac - Vol. 24

bagpipes: a condition caused by riding a motorcycle while wearing a kilt

didn't you know? vol. 1

DIDN'T YOU KNOW they don't make black jelly beans?
Now you're thinking: "But I've SEEN black jelly beans. I've EATEN black jelly beans."
Don't think about it too much.