Lessons from the Marriage Guru, vol. 1

Young Acolyte:
"Master, what are your thoughts on marriage?"

Marriage Guru:
"My son,
If you can find a woman on this earth
who loves you
and is your equal
and makes you better
and enriches your life
and is your soul mate
Then with all the power in your heart
Take her and love her and shower her with respect and admiration forever
...but do NOT tell your wife about her."

Which came first: breakfast or lunch?

Well-known fact #1:

The reason we eat eggs for breakfast and chicken for lunch is that if you ate the chicken for breakfast, how would you get the eggs for lunch?

That's one for the boc's.

Who invented cool?

Little Known Fact #26133:

Shade was invented by trees.

Upcoming Comeuppance

Doctor G's Pre-Wedding Advice for Doomed Grooms


1) where there's hope, elope

2) prenup? giddy-up!

3) keep your vows quantifiable & measurable

optimism, vol. 111: fun with fractions

If you can *ALMOST* convince ONE GIRL to have sex with you,
you're already HALFWAY to a THREEWAY!

(props to Jimmy O'Rourke, of course.)

Ratlantic Tails

Little Known Fact #9192:
There is no public trash collection in the Canadian Maritime provinces!
Instead of dragging their trash to the curb, they let in pile up in their garage.
Then, when their garage is full, they just put up a sign that says "Antiques".

sludge factory

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS #429:
McDonalds was forced to change the name of their Shamrock Shake because it contained no real Shamrocks. To solve the problem, they purchased Mike Myers, created a series of movies named after the sound made by the shake dispenser, then non-chalantly introduced the renamed "Swampwater Sludge McFlurry" beverage in time to promote the third movie instalment. When asked by reporters: "What if they ask you to rename it again because it's not really swampwater sludge?", Ronald winked and replied "trust me, not a problem."

Gedi Mind Tricks vol. 1

ok, think of something.
NOW I WILL READ YOUR MIND!...
you're thinking...

"There's NO WAY he knows what I'm thinking"

EXCELSIOR!

why scottish people don't like motorcycles

Doctor's Almanac - Vol. 24

bagpipes: a condition caused by riding a motorcycle while wearing a kilt

didn't you know? vol. 1

DIDN'T YOU KNOW they don't make black jelly beans?
Now you're thinking: "But I've SEEN black jelly beans. I've EATEN black jelly beans."
Don't think about it too much.

RETURN of 'Little Known Facts'

LITTLE KNOWN FACT # 469:

Deaf lip-readers have trouble dicerning between "meteorologist" and "meaty urologist".

America hopes you don't notice, Vol. 3

America hopes you don't notice...
Uncle Sam IS NOT Colonel Sanders!

America hopes you don't notice, Vol. 2

America hopes you don't notice...
Of all the countries in the world, they've had the MOST TIME to perfect the automobile, yet they still produce the WORST QUALITY automobiles you can buy.

America hopes you don't notice, Vol. 1

America hopes you don't notice...
Baseball is boring!

more nickelbashing!

me: how can you listen to this crap?
moron: but it's catchy!
me: so is herpes, that doesn't mean i want it in my ears.

little known definitions, vol. 1

"oregano" - the ancient italian art of paper folding

CONTEST: the funniest porn name ever

PLACE YOUR VOTE for the Funniest Porn Name Ever:
a) Vinnie Garduche
b) Willy Warner

trick or thrift

MONEY-SAVING HALLOWEEN TIP: instead of giving out candy, put a sign on your door that says "GREAT CANDY NEXT DOOR"

You're welcome!

eviller of 2 evils

QUESTION: Which band sucks more: Nickelback or Theory of a dead man? I've racked my brains over this one... it's tricky, because they're BOTH so terrible. Sometimes I think Theory is worse, but then I remember that Nickelback opened the door for ALL the shitty bands like Theory... chicken & the egg, man.

Anyone know the answer to this one?

patience: not worth waiting for?

"good things come to those who wait"
"good things come in small packages"

so... small packages come to those who wait?
guess you girls better hurry if you want a guy with a large package!