Monday, December 19, 2011

Overheard Over Brunch

overheard over brunch at the Drake Hotel lounge...
patrons: (discussing Toronto music scene)
waiter: "Hi, I'm Jeff [Somethingorother]... I have an album on iTunes!"
patron: "Hi, Jeff... can you bring us some coffee?"

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

classic conquotination, vol. 3

Another classic from Terry the other day: "whatever rocks your boat"... which I suppose is a mix of "whatever floats your boat" and "don't rock the boat"?
Since the 2 original phrases have almost opposite meanings, I'm not sure what the new phrase is supposed to mean. Any ideas?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Brogrammer At Work

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

what is a brogrammer

download PDF

Friday, August 12, 2011

Fish aint Food, vol. 1

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and there's more steak for the rest of us.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Where not to go in T.O.

Seen in a sketchy corner of town: "Schaffer's Rib Joint & Massage Parlour - Home of the Dry Rub & Tug"

Ask Dr. Sports, Vol. 33

Q: What is the NBA Draft?
A: That's when a bunch of teams you don't remember argue over a bunch of people you never heard of and then trade them for reasons you don't understand.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Popular Taglines Continued, Vol. 1

Everyone loves Marineland... (except for fish of course - to them, its just a prison)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Boys vs. Girls: Arithmetic

overheard at a restaurant...
boy: "I think I should drive tonight, you had too much to drink."
girl: "No... I should drive... you drank more than me!"
boy: "I had 1 drink."
girl: "I also had 1 drink."
boy: "My cooler was only 7% alcohol. Your wine was 14% alcohol."
girl: "No... the whole bottle is 14%. I just had 1 glass."
boy: "I am definitely driving."

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

How to Open Milk

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

Please Keep Fridge Door Closed

from the "Workplace Courtesy Signs" series by Giulio Quaglieri

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Tim Horton's Recipes Revealed, vol. 1

little-known fact: the new Tim Horton's "smores" donut is just a double-chocolate donut that fell on the floor.

Friday, May 06, 2011

Tips for Job Hunters, vol. 12

Looking for job opportunities at Research in Motion? Just update your facebook/linkedin status to "looking for a good rim job"

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Poetica, vol. 1


Could not write haikus

Was always too difficult

Need one more word


Presso vs. Aeropress vs. French Press vs. Real Espresso Machine

This is a comparative review of the Presso and Aeropress manual gourmet coffee presses. French Press and Commercial Grade (Real) Espresso Machine are added as reference points.

NOTE: this assumes you have access to properly-ground, freshly roasted, good quality coffee beans. If not, replace all results with "shitty".

  Presso Aeropress French Press Commercial Grade Espresso Machine
Price (approx.) $$$ $$ $ $$$$
Complexity of use easy complex medium medium
Americano-style coffee: flavour great great great great
Espresso-style coffee: flavour good not bad (do not use) great
Espresso-style coffee: crema some none none great
Latteswho careswho careswho careswho cares
When not in use, it... looks cool tucks away looks cool wastes space
Cleaning it is very easy easy almost easy easy
Coolness type industrial-cool geek-cool euro-cool bling-cool
Other cons you need to preheat it disposable paper filters required unique taste it will break down and/or require maintenance eventually

Monday, May 02, 2011

Osama Bin Hiding

Since they claim to have conducted DNA testing to verify the identity of the corpse they shot up, that means the US has had Osama's DNA for a while. So my question is: Why have they wasted several years searching for the 'real' Osama when they could have just cloned another one and just shot that one?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Marketing Mantras Demystified, Vol. 1

Being one step ahead of the competition is pointless when you're both running in circles.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Little known facts #429: No one ever keeps the name Gordon. Examples:
Gordon Sumner: "Sting"
Gordon Sims: "Venus Flytrap"
Gordon Shumway: "Alf"
Steven Gordon: "Flash Gordon"

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Title Sells It, vol. 4

Idea for a TLC reality show about a Chinese-American couple: we follow them as he tries to convince her to be his wife... it's called "Will Yu, Mary Mi"

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hollywood Doesn't Want You to Know, vol. 12

Little known fact: TRUE GRIT is a remake of the Wizard of Oz, except the scarecrow is cogburn, the tin man is a texas ranger, and the wizard is the dude who shot dorothy's pappy. also, toto is now a pony for some reason.